Hey peeps so sorry that it's been awhile I wasn't active.. So anyway, I've wrote a short story while I've been busy.. Hope u like it..
'Ya Allah, ya Tuhanku.. Hambamu di duniamu ini memohon padamu supaya mengampunilah segala dosa-dosa Irfan yang telah pergi sebelumku. Ampunilah dosanya yang dia telah lakukan selama ini. Yang zahir dan batin, yang disengajakan ataupun yang tidak..'
Air mata mula jatuh membasahi pipiku tanpaku sedari. Betapa rindunya aku terhadap dia. Bayangan Irfan masih segar dalam ingantanku, di khayalanku, di kelilingku. Aku masih tidak dapat melupakannya. Aku terasa bagaikan dia masih berada di bilik ini bersamaku, menemankanku. Aku rasa kehadirannya.
Irfan. Jejaka yangku sayangkan dengan sepenuh hatiku. Jejaka inilah yang selalu di ingatanku setiap hari. Dialah yang telah banyak mengalah dan berjasa padaku. Tetapi tidak pun satu aku melalukan padanya. Surat yang ingin aku berikan padanya tidak dihantar. Aku menyesal. Ia masih duduk di atas mejaku bersama cincin yang diberikannya. Aku masih ingat setiap perkataan yang ditulis di surat itu. Jikalau dia dapat membacai surat itu, tentu ini tidak akan terjadi..
"Irfan, I know you'd be leaving soon but I just wanted you to know that you're the best thing that ever happened in my life. You are the light in my life. You are my hope that kept me going. You never failed me to cheer me up. You are my world..
Irfan, before you go. I want to say thank you for being there for me when he wasn't. I know it was in the past but if it wasn't for you, I'm very sure I wouldn't be here. You knew exactly what I need and how to put a smile on my face..
I fell in love with you the moment we first met on July. You're like a sign, an Angel sent for me. Cause there's something about you that I had to know more. Your eyes are always shining for me. And as you stood there in front of me, you're trying to get my heart, my attention. You were wearing your full unit and I just couldn't contained myself. You're so perfect and it killed me to know that. And that was the moment I fell for you when you smiled at me even though you feel that you had the worst smile on Earth. I love you at that moment but as you know I was with him then. I just couldn't stopped myself from falling for you. You were a diamond in front of me and you still are no matter what..
The reason I'm writing this letter is to beg you not to go. I know how much this mission means to you but please don't go. I just can't bear to leave you all alone in the sea, in the unknown land ahead of you, the danger you'd face. Please Irwan don't go. I know you've heard my plead for million of times but please don't ignore this. Please stay here. I'd do anything if it would mean for you to stay cause you meant so much to me. Plese don't go.."
Aku menyesal. Aku menyesal kerana tidak dapat berada disana bersamanya. Sepatutnya aku yang harus pergi dan bukan dia. Aku telah lakukan terlalu banyak dosa padanya dan pada setiap insan. Tetapi tidak, dialah yang pergi sebelum aku. Tidak sempat untuk aku meminta maaf padanya..
"Irfan, please forgive me. Please forgive me and all my wrongdoings. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for being selfish towards you, for thinking all about me and myself. I'm so sorry for neglecting you even though you gave everything up for me. I was so stressed up with my own world that I didn't care for you. You were always there for me and all I did for you was nothing. And I couldn't turn back the time cause I could, I'd change for the better. I'd changed for you.
I know I wouldn't get to see you again for years if you choose to go and by then I know I can't stop you. It's your mission and it's your life. But please remember that you are a part of me. You are my other half of my heart. You are my world. If you go, you're leaving an empty hole in my heart.."
Irfan. Dia telah meninggalkanku dengan kekosongan. Dia pergi tanpaku. Aku hidup dalam kesakitan, keseorangan semenjak hari itu. Tiada sesiapa yang dapat pulihkan hatiku yang dalam kesakitan ini. Tidak ada seseorang yang dapat melakukannya seperti dia. Hanya dialah seorang yang dapat pulihkan hatiku yang cedera ini, tetapi apa yang dia tinggalkan hanyalah kenangan aku bersama dia.
"Irfan, I'm very sure you'd remember all the places that we went to and all the things we talked about. I want you to treasure them just like the way I do. To be honest, I even went back to those places to keep our memories alive. They brought back great memories to me especially the one where we went to the waterfront and where you first fed me with the cake that you brought for me. It was also the time where I played hard for you to get me. And I can't believed that it was that place too where you confessed to me. I was glad and thankful that you too had feelings for me. October the 11, I still remember the date. It was the best of all places we went and I will never forget that place most importantly.."
Titisan air mataku turun semakin laju. Mataku berkaca dan tidak ada sesuatu benda yang dapat aku lihat dengan terang. Tetapi aku masih dapat merasakan kehadiran Irfan di sekelilingku, memelukku dengan erat, bermain dengan hujungan rambutku. Aku seperti boleh merasakan ciuman segar bibirnya dipipiku. Hairan. Tidak mungkin dia boleh berada disisiku. Hanya aku keseorangan di bilik ini.
"Irfan, remember the time where I met with an accident and you had a bruise on the same spot as me for no reason? Do you remember telling me that we are fated to be together? That we both will feel each other's pain and success? And remember the times where we fought through obstacles together? Supporting each other's back? Do you remember those? I do. Cause it feels like that you are part of me then and now. You really are the other half of my heart.
Every night I prayed and hoped that you'd accompany me throughout my every day life. Even if we're miles apart from each other, we can still be at each other's side no matter what. I know you may think that its stupid but that is what I always do every night. I forced myself to believe that you are with me every night, accompanied me in my sleep. And true enough, it feels like you yourself always appeared in my room every night without fail even though we stayed apart. Yes, its just my imagination dear.."
Tidak mungkin Irfan boleh berada disisiku. Ini semua adalah imaginasiku, khayalanku. Rupanya selama ini aku memaksa diriku untuk percaya bahawa dia masih lagi hidup. Kalaulah dia dapat membaca apa di hatiku saat ini dan mungkin surat ini lah dapat aku luahkan semuanya. Dia seharusnya membaca surat ini sebelum dia pergi dan dia boleh berjanji padaku kembaliannya. Aku kesal kerana tidak memberikannya pada saat dia pergi.
"Irfan. If you really choose to go, please promise me that you'll take good care of yourself out there and please please promise me that you'll come back to me once your mission ended. Come back to me and married me just as you promised, just as how you planned it. Please come back..
I still need you. Your family still needs you. Think of them. Please don't ever leave us here. Think about your parents too. Don't ever hurt them. Promise them that you'll come back. Cause we'll be there to fetch you when you come back. I promise that with my heart.."
Secara tibanya aku teringat kembali sewaktu dia berangkat pergi. Ibubapanya sibuk memerluknya. Dialah satu satunya anak pertama mereka, abang pada adik-beradiknya. Dia tidak berpatah perkataan padaku, hanya ungkapannya menunjukkan kepadaku kesakitan dan kesunyiannya. Waktu itu aku tidak peduli akan petunjuk yang diberikannya, aku terlalu sibuk melayankan adik kecilnya.
Kini, baru aku sedar akan makna ungkapannya itu. Aku menyesal kerana tidak dapat membalas pada petunjuknya itu. Aku menyesal. Mengapa aku bodoh sangat? Dia inginkanku bersuara, meluahkan hasratku. Tetapi saat itu aku hanya membisu sahaja. Aku menyesal. Dia sedar akan keadaanku dan dia inginkanku meluahkannya. Tetapi, tidak. Aku tetap membisu. Aku kesal sekarang.
Kini aku sedar. Hanya aku sahajalah yang dapat menyelamatkannya. Tindakanku sahajalah yang dapat selamatnya dari kemalangan itu. Aku. Mungkin akulah punca dia pergi. Akulah yang sepatutnya meninggalkan tempat ini. Aku dan bukan dia. Aku yang seharusnya disalahkan. Aku.
"Irfan, please remember that I'll always love you. No matter how far we are, no matter how much pain we've caused to each other. And wherever you are, I'll be there with you. No matter how far you are from me, I'll be there with you. Remember that I will always love you and nothing can tear us apart.."
Aku menuju ke jendelaku. Aku sedar akan apa yang harus aku lakukan. Cuaca yang berangin ini membuat niatku semakin kuat. Membuka pagar itu, aku duduk diatasnya. Aku terasa dan terbayang seperti dia melakukan yang sama. Aku tersenyum lebar. Aku boleh merasakan yang aku semakin dekat dengannya. Aku boleh berada dimana dia berada sekarang. Aku akan berjumpa dengannya dan akan bersatu dengannya lagi seperti biasa. Dan tidak ada satu pun boleh memisahkan aku dengannya.
'Ya Allah, tempatkan kami dalam golongan yang Engkau redakan..'
Irfan. Irfan. Irfan. Maafkanku sayang..
*It's a frictional story* - H
